6 realistic ways to cope with postpartum loneliness
It’s normal to feel lonely. It’s also normal to not want to feel lonely.
if you need a pick me up, a friend, or some validation, you came to the right spot.
Okay, ladies. We are getting deep in this one.
After having Baylor, I knew there would be obvious feelings of loneliness due to the pandemic. I knew I might feel more isolated than ever, struggling through the already intense “fourth trimester” with less support than I might have had in a typical world.
I will say I have struggled with anxiety even before I was pregnant. I have been on medication, have had panic attacks, the whole thing. While I was pregnant, my hormones made my anxiety melt away for the most part, which was surprising and amazing. I hoped I would continue to feel good after baby boy was here with me. But that hasn’t always been the case. I don’t think I ever had postpartum depression, but my anxiety definitely started to come back and I still deal with it today.
I am the first of my close friend group to have a baby. This brings another level of loneliness, no fault to any of them. It is hard not being able to relate to your closest friends on the struggles you are having. It is difficult to have them truly understand what you might be going through. I am embarking on a new chapter - not bad, just different. My entire lifestyle changed quite literally overnight. I am grateful to know that when my friends do start having their own babies, they will be able to lean on me if they feel they need support. I am always here with a hug and a listening ear for anyone who needs it.
I’ve had to figure out my own ways of coping with feeling lonely, some ways more creative than others with lockdown and these special circumstances. I find that these six tips are realistic, relatively easy tasks and rituals you can implement without making yourself feel even more overwhelmed. Let me know what you think and what else might be beneficial to new mamas.
Get up and get dressed!
You may not think it makes a difference - but, changing your clothes and brushing your hair has the potential to make you feel like a new human after a rough night. Even if you are changing into another lounge set, pair of pajama pants or workout clothes, just change! Make yourself feel like it is a new day with a fresh start. If you are feeling sassy, put that baby in their swing or walker and put a little bit of make up on. It really does change your mood!
Get outside!
Living in Arizona makes it pretty easy for me to get outside for the majority of the year. I did not get outside those first few scalding summer months of my baby’s life, but now I do not go a day without going outside, even if its one time around the block in his stroller to grab the mail. We are approaching those super hot months again, but we will get creative at the pool, splash pad, etc.
I have made it a ritual to take Baylor on a walk or to the park even if its by myself at least 5 days a week. Some days we don’t leave the house, and I actually feel a huge difference when we don’t. I get lethargic and it feels like the day will never end. Even getting out with just us two makes me feel productive. Seeing people (usually from a distance still) makes me feel more normal and less lonely.
Get yourself in a mom group or on a play date!
There are so many facebook groups and even apps now for new moms. People are usually very friendly and sometimes its easier to reach out online than in person, especially these days.
I have been lucky enough to make some new mom friends recently, and meeting up with them a few times a month has made a huge difference. Schedule it and make it a priority! Make an effort to call or Facetime an old friend, fellow mom or a family member if you can’t be with them in person.
I like to meet up with another mom for a play date once a week if we are able. I joke about meeting new moms being like dating again. Its scary, but just know there are so many other amazing women in your boat who just want a friend who understands, too!
Get yourself out of the house without baby!
If possible, schedule time for you to leave without your baby. Not for a playdate or a doctor’s appointment, but alone or with someone who you don’t see on a daily basis. Find at least one time or day per week you can escape. Even if its 20 minutes. Personally, I watch the Bachelor with some of my teacher friends when a season is airing every Monday! It’s honestly one of the best parts of the week to feel like “myself”. I also try to meet a friend for a workout sometimes or do date night with the hubby. It makes all the difference and it is so so important to take care of yourself and your mental health!
Get moving!
Whether its the walk around the block we talked about earlier, a home workout, or a couple squats and lunges during your baby’s daily episode(s) of Cocomelon, get your body moving. I know you are tired, but sometimes sitting on the couch will breed more exhaustion.
I have fallen into this trap too many times to count. Let your body release those feel good hormones and move! There are so many quick stretch routines or easy home workouts on Youtube or anywhere these days if you aren’t able to go to the gym. I promise you wont regret it!
Get grateful!
Journaling or making a list of all the positives in your life is a proven way to boost your mood. I have a hard time remembering to do this one every day. Just the other day my husband asked me in the middle of dinner between my annoyed sighs, “What are you grateful for today?” I guess I hadn’t thought about it all day.
He could tell I was frustrated with a million and ten things from that day only. I was burnt out and so frustrated between a crying, teething baby and jealous, barking corgis. My feelings of frustration and sadness were valid. But, it is also so important to remember all of the incredible things you do have in a moment. It could be as simple as your health, a home to live in, water to drink, a baby who loves you, a partner who is supportive, a bed to sleep in. It could be a mental list or you could make journaling a ritual during baby's nap or as a different part of your day. It is so important to find the good. I am working so hard on this everyday still too.
You are not alone in feeling these feelings. What you are going through may be uncharted territory. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. And trust me. you will need it and it will be hard to ask. But you can’t pour from an empty cup, super mama!
Let me know what other things you do to combat feeling lonely as a mom. I’d love to hear more suggestions! Take a breath, you’ve got this and I am here if you need someone.